Friends' & family's responses

"All over the world I think that women raped are treated worse by the people that they love than by strangers." - Charlene Smith, journalist and survivor of sexual assault.

"Now that it’s all out and it’s all said and done, there’s a sense of relief - like Laura was saying, the forgiving works both ways." - Michael Henkel, Laura’s son and father of two teenage girls.

Cathy explains: "One the major things I have learnt about healing is that a person who has suffered trauma needs to be heard, to be believed, not to be blamed, to be understood and, if possible, apologised to or empathically responded to. If this comes from close family members and friends, it can be enormously helpful, as the survivor will almost certainly never hear it from the perpetrator of the crime. I have also learnt that people who try to help those who have been sexually assaulted can be traumatised too, and they need the same things to help them to heal."

When Cathy returned to South Africa and confronted her brother with the impact of his attitude toward their mother, he at first didn't understand. Michael argued that saying it was Laura's fault for letting the perpetrator in the house is not "blaming somebody".

Like many men, Michael's first reaction was to think that a violent response would be needed - and he taught his daughters how to use a rifle.

But both Michael's and Bongani's stories show us that different responses are much more effective.

Find out more...

Avoiding blame
Encouraging non-violent responses

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